BOOT CAMP!
by E.Mahiru
Summary: It was right there on the certificate: Ed had attended preliminary military training camp. Or was it Certificate Forging Camp?  Parental, tiny bit of swearing, lots of name calling, constructive criticism welcomed with open arms.
1. Chapter 1

**I started this story a long time ago, but just now I figured out exactly how it will pan out, so the first and second chapters may end up sounding a little different just in terms of writing style and characerization. The first one was supposed to be really funny and I hope everyone likes it!**

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"FullMetal! There you are!" Roy gasped, his breath coming in hot bursts. He hated it when all the military cars were being used for something.

Ed looked up from slurping flat noodles at a sidewalk cafe, surprise written on his face.

"I can't _believe_ you would ignore a summons from your commanding officer, you awful brat!"

Roy flushed in shame for a moment. He already knew he shouldn't have let his anger cause him to start name-calling. Especially not with the FullMetal Alchemist. Witty comments were often "out of reach" for the boy, but name-calling was where he excelled.

"So I'm a brat now, am I Colonel Turkey-Face?"

"Who are you calling _turkey-face_? I had to _run_ all over East Central just trying to find you because you were FIVE. Hours. Late! And don't tell me you didn't get the message, because I personally directed Warrant Officer Falman to find you and Falman does not lie if he can't find you, and he said he did."

"I guess he thought I was awake," Ed said with the slightest undertone of regret flavoring his wondering expression. Roy sputtered.

"What's wrong, pigeon-butt? Hungry?" Ed held up a spoonful of hot noodles, steaming in the chilly day. Roy snapped, striding over to the blond boy and grabbing the hood of his red jacket.

"Time to go. Where's your brother?"

"Ack! Let go!" Ed was bodily pulled from his seat and hauled along by the colonel as he began heading back to HQ.

"Wait!" Ed yelled in frustration, "I didn't pay for the noodles!"

"_Five hours,_ FullMetal. If you get taken to court for stealing, you can consider it a consequence of not following orders."

"I don' wanna follow orders," Ed sulked under his breath, but Roy actually found it laughable as it was obviously Ed's last resort. The boy was letting himself be pulled along now and Roy started to relax. If he hadn't been so worried that Ed must be injured to be that late, he really would've enjoyed the walk out here. Now he was enjoying the walk back.

As soon as he completely took his focus off the now-cooperating alchemist he was retrieving however, Ed slipped out of his jacket, stuck his tongue out at Roy and ran away. Roy had had enough.

He snapped his gloved fingers, sending a ring of flame around the annoying brat, who halted and then transmuted an underground tunnel through which he began to crawl.

"AAAAAAAAAGH! I GIVE UP!" Roy stalked angrily back to HQ where he proceeded to incinerate a pile of paperwork.

"But Riza," he pleaded, "I thought you said it was junkmail."

"Sir," Riza Hawkeye was trembling with rage, "Eastern Military Headquarters..._ does not recieve junkmail!"_

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"...Hey, Mustang?"

Roy jumped in surprise, blotching the signature he'd been applying to yet another random election ballad concerning whether or not the bathroom doors in all military facilities actually needed to have the words "Men" and "Women" on them.

That had to be the worst thing about being promoted to Colonel. As a Lt. Colonel, you were expected to keep up-to-date with 'procedure voting' issues, but it wasn't until you were a colonel that you actually had to give a three page opinion as well as a vote, to every single issue brought up by every single idiot who accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom or choked on a wadded up disposable paper cup (Roy had voted to keep using them because if the military switched to plastic, someone would probably hurt themselves with the sharp edges created when the cups were smashed).

"Edward! What are you doing here?"

Ed blushed angrily and stepped in, having decided that Roy was not going to torch him. Not yet anyway.

"Um, what did you want to see me about earlier?" Ed was obviously curious.

"Earlier being eight hours ago now, Edward? I go home in three minutes and I need to finish this stupid-." Roy stopped himself. Ed would only laugh at him if he started ranting about his paperwork.

To the colonel's surprise, Ed peeked over the desk and skimmed the report, easily getting the gist of it.

"Why should all the bathrooms be labeled? That's dumb."

"To make the idiots that confuse pictures of skirts and pictures of pants happy," Roy growled.

"But what about all the higher-ups in charge of all the facilities? It doesn't seem like much, but they're all going to have to buy paint for every single porta-a-potty near a military building. If you just use 'Military Facilities,' like that, you're talking about every place the military sets up." Ed paused for a moment. "But maybe if you go paint all the bathrooms yourself, you'll get promoted."He grinned.

Roy just stared at him thoughtfully. "You really think about this stuff, don't you?"

Ed nodded shyly and Roy's face suddenly lit up in an evil grin.

"In order to repay for the time you wasted by making me chase you, you will write this up. And you will take this order very seriously, because if you screw up, you'll be painting portapotties in the desert for the next two months.

Ed narrowed his eyes, not liking being bossed around. "Admit that you only want me to do it because you sound stupid on paper."

Roy's eye twitched. It was true he was much better at giving oral reports, but Ed was really getting out of hand lately.

"That's it, Edward Elric. I am not going to tolerate your insubordination any longer." Roy stood suddenly.

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?" Ed slammed both hands on Roy's desk. Roy snapped. This time, he'd really_ really_ had it. Without realizing what he was even saying, he came around the desk swiftly, causing Ed to back away.

"I'm going to beat you bloody and feed you to a vampire and put you through the food processor and make _cookie dough_ out of you and eat you for breakfast-" Ed was backing away very quickly now, eyes wide with alarm. "And use the leftovers for target practice and then pick up all your tiny remains and roll them in the dirt and kick them-" Ed was almost out the door. "And stomp on them with my boots and-" Ed was out, turning to the side to start running down East HQ's hallway. As he fled, Roy was left shouting out of his office door, "AND POUR GASOLINE ON THEM AND BLOW THEM UP!" he finished, retreating in shame to his office. _Why_ did he ever let Ed get to him that way? He'd never hear the end of this. And then there was the report...

"Great. Now I have to write this myself."

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It took Riza coaxing Ed with fresh, still-warm chocolate chip cookies to get him into the break room and then give Fuery the signal to bring Roy in to get them to talk to each other. Roy actually knew he needed to tell Edward about the upcoming assignment, but Ed had refused to get anywhere near Mustang since a week ago when the colonel had snapped.

Munching on a warm, chewy cookie, Ed looked around, jumping when Roy came in the door.

"Easy, Ed," Roy sighed. "Listen, the Fuhrer is planning this great big parade-thingy and all the State Alchemists are supposed to do a performance routine, so I need you to come to the park after work for rehearsal." Roy cut straight to the chase.

"What?" Ed picked up another cookie.

"Well, it's sort of going to be a choreographed alchemic display with.. you know, marching and stuff."

"Do I have to?" Ed snarfed another cookie.

"Yes. I get off work around four, OK? I'll give you a ride."

"Damn... I don't have to wear my uniform, do I?"

"Not for the rehearsal, no. Maybe for the parade. Will you be in the library?"

"At four? Yeah... I guess." Ed proceeded to finish the last of the cookies before going to bury himself in an armchair in the library with a book.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. You made that much easier. Who knew he really was a sucker for cookies?"

Riza smiled and nodded.

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**Please tell me what you think so far! Reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK, in this chapter, there's more "military stuff" than the last and honestly, I don't really know anything about basic military commands or formations or marching at all, so if anyone can point out any mistakes or things that should be edited, I hope they will.**

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"Ed! Hey!" Roy hissed. He knew some people liked how "cozy" the library here was, but Roy personally thought that if they just put all the bookcases in straight lines, got some better lighting and threw out a few armchairs it would be much easier to find people in here.

Roy wriggled between two chairs and a coffee table, almost knocking over a lamp as he poked his head into a sunlit cranny, finally seeing what he was looking for.

Ed was sitting, not in the thick armchair but next it on the floor, his back up agaisnt the wall under a window. Around him were stacks and stacks of ancient books. Or if they weren't old, they were at least beginning to fall apart. A stack almost up to Ed's head was next to the boy while another s tack occupied the armchair. Various books were scattered in his lap and around him as well as tossed haphazardly on the windowsill behind him.

"Ed! We gotta go!" Roy hissed again. The boy didn't look up. "_Ed!"_ Roy stompoed his foot and Ed waved vaguely. Roy snapped his fingers, careful only to let the flames dance on Ed's ankle for a moemnt. Unfortunately, Ed was so entrenched in the book he was holding three centimeters from his face that he didn't notice his smoldering pants.

Roy was now trying to wiggle between the top-heavy lamp and an oddly angled bookcase so he could put Ed out before he really caught on fire, but the damn cast-iron thing was too heavy to lift out of the way, insisting on crashing to the floor instead. At which point, Ed finally looked up just as the smoke alarm went off and it began to rain inside the Eastern HQ library.

* * *

By the time the sprinklers were deactivated, Roy and Ed were both soaked through and cranky as they rode in the car to the park. As they closed in on it, Roy spoke for the first time since yelling at Ed when the sprinklers had first gone off.

"Under your seat is a suitcase with clean clothes in it. Pull it out," he said. Ed glared but did as he was told. "Now look for my green shirt, will you? You can have whatever you want in there, but it's pretty much all my size."

"I'll be fine." Ed stuffed the suitcase back under his seat, a dark green shirt lying between the two alchemists.

Roy pulled into a ninety degree parking space and ordered Ed out of the car. The FullMetal could see Armstrong clearly in a group of little people in the middle of the park. As he started toward them, he glanced back at Roy who was adjusting the collar on his dark green short sleeved T-shirt with three buttons beneath the collar.

He caught up with Ed and then passed him and the blond quickened almost to a jog so as not to let Mustang outpace him.

Armstrong reached for Ed's collar and Ed half-crouched, sliding behind a man who was about six inches taller than he was to get out of Armstrong's reach. The Strong Arm Alchemist let the FullMetal get away, promising himself to give the kid a hug later.

"OK everyone- ...HEY!" Roy was using a megaphone to get the milling crowd's attention. "OK, then. Here on this clipbaord I have a diagram of the Fuhrer's plans for our parade display. Major Armstrong is here to help us and make sure our part is in sync with Central's squad-"

"Using my special skills of marching choreography that have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

"Yeah... We'll be using basic military commands, here people. You learned those in booot camp so start recalling them." Roy didn't hear any objections or questions, so he ordered all his Eastern Alchemists to line up in straight rows.

For soldiers who had been at one point, very good at lining up in neat rows and columns, it took them a long time to get it right. Ed nearly got trampled.

"Now. The sandbox and the slide mark the boundaries of the parade-grounds. That is the amount of space we have to move around in." Roy paused, "Rows one, two and three- MARCH!"

Roy watched the first three rows of soldiers begin to march forward. He spotted Edward's wet red jacket in the fourth row.

"Column three march!"

-

Ed watched the middle column march single file toward the first group and heard Roy over the megaphone yelling, "Now! Columns one, two, four and five, I want you to regroup. Make a butterfly formation!"

Ed looked around uncertainly. He was finally having to move, but he didn't know what a butterfly formation was. He followed the man next to him as he turned and headed into the fray.

"HALT!" Roy yelled into his megaphone. "This is a display! Alright- Silver Alchemist move to the right and back. You're in the middle. Now I want the Sparking Alchemist to move, while continuing to face me, to Silver's front and left! That's more like it."

The man Ed had attempted to follow fell back from beside him, leaving Ed up front on his side which was slightly uncomfortable for the boy since he was no closest to Roy and still clueless.

"That's right- Gravity Alchemist, you're next. Wait for the Construction Alchemist." Roy had resorted to using their State aliases. It was easier for him to remember than name or rank. "FullMetal! Hurry up!"

Edward turned and scurried backward, someone grabbing his shoulders and hauling him to a spot somewhere in the mob, the man growling, "Stupid kid can't remember basic stuff."

"Everyone, about-face!" Roy commanded. Major Armstrong was instructing the other group that had been the first three rows near the other end of the park Ed noticed as he was sandwhiched in by clumsy soldiers stepping on his feet and awkwardly waddling forward when Roy yelled, "Forward March!"

For now Ed waddled with the crowd, but when they spread back out into "Wing-Tip" formation, Ed had more range of movement and had to decipher the commands for himself as copying the man next to him didn't work.

Since it appeared that Ed was now supposed to be mirroring the man next to him, plus Roy had just made them spin in circles in his attempt to get them all to face in the right direction, when Mustang again called for a forward march, Ed turned and marched forward from what he considered to be his starting point- that is, the direction they'd all been facing when they started.

A moment too late, Ed realized he was marching away from everyone else and not just Sparky next to him. Immediately, the man who'd grabbed him earlier yelled, "Somebody get that kid outtta here! He doesn't know what he's doing- he hasn't got a _clue_!"

Ed opened his mouth, embarrassed and angry but Roy grabbed his arm sighing heavily as he pulled FullMetal aside.

"Are you trying to be difficult?" Colonel Mustang leaned down to Ed's eye level.

"No-"

"Good. Now, you should remember all of these commands and formations. Why don't you?"

"Uh..."

"You _did_ attend basic preliminary boot camp, didn't you?"

"Uh, um, yeah. Sure." Ed didn't know what Roy was talking about. Roy looked at him silently for a long moment before saying, very quietly, "Wrong answer, Elric."

Ed thought it was weird that Roy would call him by his last name and was uncertian of what exactly Roy was thinking or what he'd just claimed to have attended.

"You're coming with me once we're done here, you understand? For now you can watch and learn."

Ed sighed and rolled his eyes.

He pretty much stopped watching when Armstrong took off his shirt and began an hour long demonstration of what a soldier's body should look like, and Mustang became so hoarse he sounded like a suffocating cat as he screamed through his microphone.

It's not so much that the soldiers weren't following orders, it was that they couldn't seem to do them all at the same time. They hadn't had to move along in such a large group in years.

"NO!" Roy wheezed, "You two on the end are going _left!_" His gasping and panting through the megaphone irritated Edward. The man obviously didn't have the sense God gave a turtle as far as he was concerned. The boy decided to do Mustang a favor and then he wouldn't feel bad about scramming and ditching Roy here.

He clapped his hands and focused for a moment, the air in between Roy and his men shimmering and warping almost imperceptibly. He'd just moved all the atoms of oxygen and nitrate to hte side which meant if anyone wandered into the zone he'd just created, they would suffocate, plus he'd also warped the space itself for Roy. Hard to do with alchemy, messing with the fabric of space but he was Edward.

The next time Roy choked a command through his megaphone, even Armstrong froze it was so loud. Most of the men were left looking at eachother wtih their hands over their ears.

Roy blinked at them, his mind puzzling out the volume of his last gasp. He looked over at Ed who suddenly realized was walking away, and yelled, "Ed! Did you do that? Get back here."

"Yes and goodbye." Ed waved and took off running. Roy snapped his fingers, nearly engulfing Ed in flames.

The boy was rolling on the ground putting out the last of the flames on his jacket when Roy and all the other soldiers came to stand over him.

_"What_ is that kid _doing here?"_ The man complained again.

"He's the FullMetal Alchemist!" Roy threw his hands up in the air, not capable of understanding what the other man couldn't seem to figure out. Why did he think Ed was here?

"That tiny kid-" The man was upside down sailing through the upper branches of a tree before you could say 'bean sprout.'

"CALL ME TINY WILL YOU? COULD A MICROSCOPIC PIPSQUEAK DO THAT?" Ed referred to his ability to heft men many times his size into the air.

"EDWARD!" Roy grabbed Ed by the shoulders roughly, squeezing as hard as he could to try to recline his frustration. Ed tried to run, pulling and crouching and thwacking Roy's arm.

"That's _it_," Roy hissed, his voice dripping venemous rage. "Major? Would you please take over here while I attend to FullMetal? Here are the diagrams." Roy picked the clipboard up off the gorund with one hand, keeping the other clamped on Ed's shoulder and handed it to Major Armstrong.

"Yes, I shall do my best to keep order while you attend to the boy," Armstrong said with much emotion as he accepted the clipboard. Roy grabbed the back of Ed's jacket and dragged/shoved the boy toward the car.

Ed flung his arms wide to avoid being shoved into the car and Roy spun him around with all the force he could muster, cornering Ed against the side of the front seat. The boy was wide-eyed with fear and the sudden realization that his commanding officer actually was a force to be reckoned with.

"I have had it up to here with you. I don't even know what to do with you I'm so fed up. You caused me enough frustration yesterday alone to make me lose it, but today tops all, Ed. I know you have a good memory, so why can't you follow basic commands? I recieved the certificate that confirmed you had been to boot camp, but for some reason you can't seem to remember it. Why would that be, hm?" Roy looked at Ed for a moment before hissing, "How the _hell_ did you get out of that? And I don't care if that soldier called you every word for short there is, that was no excuse to cause him bodily harm. And _then_ you tried to take off on me. I am your Goddamned commanding officer and if I tell you to stay put and watch, you better stay put and _watch_, you understand me? You are _in the military_, you _follow orders._ It was _your_ decision to join, so now you have to follow the rules. Do you understand me?"

Ed swallowed and stared up at Roy, his expression disturbed.

"If...you did complete the training," Roy said slowly, "Then there would be a duplicate certificate in General Raven's files. How about we take a little break here and go check with him, hm?"

Ed opened his mouth and Roy shoved him backward into the car, slamming the door against Ed's escape. Ed twiddled his thumbs during the ride to HQ. He had a feeling he knew what Roy was talking about now.

See, back then, Ed felt that since he'd passed the exam, there was no real need for him to waste time doing other "entry level" military stuff. He just wanted to get going with his search for the philospher's stone. So he'd forged some signatures and the like and bypassed many things he'd deemed unnecessary, such as medical exams, meetings of any kind and boot camp.

Of course now it was too late to cover this up, as Roy was already well and clearly onto him.

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	3. Chapter 3

**To all of those who reviewed my first two chapters (there are a LOT of you!): THANK YOU!**

**Again, if anyone sees any inaccuracies, please point them out. And any suggestions or requests would also be welcomed with open arms.**

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When Roy pulled up to HQ, he grabbed Ed's upper left arm and marched him to General Raven's office. While Ed stood stiffly next to the colonel, Mustang asked Raven's secretary if she would mind looking up a completion form for boot camp. She asked who it was for, then went to Raven's desk, interrupting him gently from the report he was reading.

After a moment of quiet conversation, she came back to the front of the room and began to look through her filing cabinet.

"How do you spell the last name again?" she asked after searching through the drawer.

"E-L-R-I-C," Ed answered before Mustang could.

"...Nope, not here." She looked mystified. Roy thanked her and quickly pulled Ed out of there.

"Well she knows, but hopefully I can keep this mostly under wraps. Unfortunately for you, I don't have time to waste trying to teach you commands, which leaves me with one option: I'm sending you back to boot camp."

"Hey wait a minute, I'm not-"

"Everyone else in this military has survived it, Ed. You will too. You're starting as soon as I can find a squad for you. It usually takes about three weeks and let me tell you, it better not be a day longer because the parade is in _four._

Ed shut his mouth. Roy's temper had just hit boiling again and he decided he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut for the moment.

* * *

Two days later, Ed was called into the office. Having been informed that if he didn't show up he would be court martialed mercilessly, he sulked into Roy's office promptly at ten AM.

"Good morning, FullMetal."

"Yo."

Roy glanced up at the rude greeting, then looked back down to sign the report he'd been reading before sitting up straight.

"Major Elric, you have been assigned to the second squad in the sixth patoon. I have clothes for you as well as information. I want you to go in tomorrow as prepared as possible. You have to understand that any errors, even very small errors, will not be forgiven while you are living in the barracks."

Ed snorted and Roy snapped, "I'm not kidding, FullMetal! I have always pardoned your insubordinance, your _appearance_ and I have never asked that you keep a neat living space. All those things will change tomorrow. I will no longer be responsible for you _or_ your attitude and the men who will are not going to tolerate all the... _shit_ you give me."

Ed studied Roy's furious expression guardedly.

"I would feel bad asking you to do this, but you are too good at what you do to just let you run amok the way you do. You would have a lot more allies if you could just learn to respect military rank," Roy sighed.

Ed bit his tongue and stared to the side. Roy was mad enough to lecture and the last thing he wanted was to set him off again. The man would never understand him.

"Now, I should warn you that you will not be allowed to wear your own clothes- unless," he said before Ed could protest, "Unless you have a hidden stash of them that would be considered acceptable."

Roy waited until Ed gave a tiny shake of his head. Did the boy think he couldn't read his thoughts wearing an expression like that? If he thought he was being tactful, he had another thing coming.

"These papers have all the instructions you'll need: how to wear your clothes, what to bring for your locker, how to address your superiors, all of that."

Ed rolled his eyes. "How to _wear my clothes_?"

"_Yes_, Edward. Your appearance will be judged and criticised. It is important that you read and understand _all_ of these instructions. Now if anything doesn't make sense to you, I suggest you ask Warrant Officer Falman. He was an excellent example during his training and he can answer all of your questions. And," he added with an angry grin, "He's far less likely to burn you alive than I am. So ask him."

Ed snorted in appreciation of Roy's often-voiced threat, a little "private" joke between them. "Private" meaning, of course, that sometimes it was voiced loudly enough that everyone in East Central heard it.

"Fine, Colonel shit," Ed growled, heading out the door without permission.

Roy smiled sadly. If he was right about Ed, that might be the last time he ever did that.

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**R&R please!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you again to everyone who reviewed- I'm getting so much attention for this story it surprises me!**

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"This is stupid!" Ed threw up his hands at Falman, papers soaring to the four corners of the office. The aging man really didn't know what to say. Edward had become increasingly difficult to answer to as the morning continued, the boy outraged at the requirements of his preliminary training. But fianlly, Falman got lucky. Just as Ed started to head for Roy's door in order to tell him off and refuse to go, Riza stepped in.

Literally, she stood and quickly side-stepped to grab Ed's shoudlers. Falman didn't hear what she said, but it worked like a charm.

"Edward, for the sake of all involved, don't try to get out of this," she whispered, looking him in the eye with concern and sympathy. "All soldiers who join this military _must_ go through basic training. It's military law. If you don't, you'll be discharged."

Ed looked down at his feet, a sulky expression on his wide face. Hawkeye whispered again, "Ed, just remember one thing while you're in there, alright? Remember that if you can just survive for three weeks, you'll never have to see any of these men again and you can go back to doing eveything your own way. Just do as they say and learn what you need to perform in the parade. Take it from me, Edward, do as they say and don't make a fuss."

Ed continued to pout as he pulled away from Riza and went back to his chair to finish reading the papers.

The next morning at around five 'o' clock, Riza volunteered to drive Ed out to the barracks. As he started to nod off in the car, unused to being up so early, Riza spoke quietly, pulling something from her jacket pocket.

"Edward. Don't fall asleep, youo need to be alert," she chided softly. "Do you remember what I told you?"

"Do as they say and tough it out," Ed grumbled.

"I got you a journal. I kow you'll want to talk back, but you can write your thoughts in here instead. Remember, don't let anyone find it." Seh slid the little book across the seat to Ed and he looked at it with surprise.

"Keep your thoughts private," she counseled. He nodded.

"Thanks."

Riza dropped him off and watched him figure out which squad was the second. He looked so cute in a white T-shirt and dark pants, she thought. The lace-up boots looked strange on him, especially because they didn't add to his height at all, but she liked the way he looked. Almost normal and not like such a lone wolf or a rebel outsider.

As she backed out of her spot, then put the car in gear, she felt a small pang in her chest looking at him lined up with the eight other soldiers in his squad. He was the shortest there by more than a foot and the only one with hair longer than a centimeter or two.

She drove away hoping the journal would keep him sane. It had worked for her but she had been prepared. Still it made her sad to see that fiery kid heading into boot camp. It reminded her of her own experience there. If only Ed would come out untouched, she would know that not everyone can be broken...

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**Really short chap, I know. Sorry.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ed may seem a little OC in this chapter, but it was mostly on purpose.**

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_When I get out of here, I'm never saying "sir" again. Everytime the Sergeant said anything, all nine of us had to say "Yes, Sir!" as loud as we could. The yelling was kind of fun at first but it got old _really_ fast. _

_Today we had to learn how to make a bed the 'military' way and wax the floors and stuff. It was almost all stuff I could've done with alchemy in seconds, but alchemy isn't allowed. It doesn't matter anyway though. It's all stuff I can do easily, plus once we get to the physical part it should be easy for me to get through this. I'm in better shape than any of these other guys plus I've been in a lot more fights and stuff._

_Oh, and I've already nickamed the Drill Sergeant "Sergeant BootFace" because he was going around looking at the way everyone was wearing their shoes. He got mad at me for not tucking my pant legs into them and for tying a sloppy knot but I was so sleepy I didn't really care when he made me fix it, but it's really uncomfortable having all that extra fabric crammed around my legs. How am I supposed to run like this? Who the hell designed this uniform? It's worse than the officers' uniform!_

_"I'm worried about him. What if this breaks him? This is the reason my family never allowed me to join until I was twenty-six. Once you get used to respecting rank and following military prodecure, it's OK being here until there's a war but the preliminary training is brutal. I guess I thought there must be something wrong with him since it didn't seem to affect him. No wonder, afterall he never did it."_

_I HATE this place! It's not my fault I haven't gotten tall yet and I can't take huge steps like the rest of the patoon! Great...just 'cause the other guys are all taller than me, tomorrow after training we all have to clean the barn. It's about half a mile from here and I can sort of see it and Dorian (the tallest guy here) said there's supposed to be two hundred horses in it. _

_As soon as I'm out of here, I want to go take Al back to Risembool or something. It's wearing on my nerves how the Sergeant is always screaming and yelling at me and I'm tired of yelling at him, no matter how much it helps to keep myself under control sometimes._

_"I wonder how he's doing now. I have no way of knowing, seeing as the colonel didn't see fit to send someone to keep an eye on him. I want to know if he's written in the journal and what he's writing. It's been five days since I dropped him off. Is he still stubborn? Is he bending under the strain or is he just pretending to? I didn't realize this was going to hurt me as much as it is or maybe I wouldn't have told him there was no way out."_

_------------------------------------------_

"April ninth, year fifteen," Colonel Mustang murmured as he dated his report. He put it in a rectangular wire basket on the floor next to his desk which was for papers that needed to be sent to other people. Namely, his superiors.

He surveyed the rest of the work on his desk, trying to decide what to take care of next. As he reached for a report that had come in yesterday from the East HQ, he heard he sudden orchestra of doors slamming, feet running, chairs being upset, people yelling, someone yelling louder and someone shouting. He stood and as he reached for the doorkob, the door opened and smacked him in the face.

"I'm so sorry, Sir!" Fuery half-wailed to be heard over the noise in the adjoining office.

"What the hell is going on?" Roy demanded.

"Uh, Edward's here," Fuery said. Roy frowned and stepped into the chaos.

Breda was picking up chairs that had been knocked over when Ed had run into the office while both Jean and Riza tried to pick Ed up at the same time. The boy was crying for all he was worth and his face was red and ugly and pitiful. He got a hold on Riza's sleeve and refused to let go but Jean was insisting that his superior allow him to take Ed and calm him down because in his frantic state of mind, he might hurt Hawkeye.

Roy addressed Hawkeye with a sharp, "Lieutenant! Please report now!" and left Jean with Ed.

"Sir, is it necessary to be in your office?"

"I can't hear you over Ed," Roy said as he shut the door.

"Oh."

"What?"

"You would like me to report, Sir?"

"Yes, Lieutenant."

"Very well. Edward has escaped his Drill Sergeant and is very upset. He wants to be held and he wants to speak to you."

"That's it?" Roy asked.

"Can _you_ understand him?" Riza raised her eyebrow. Roy laughed.

"Careful, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Sir."

"Does he want to talk to me now?"

"Uhm," Riza glanced at the door. "It's hard to say."

"Very well, Lieutenant. Please try to calm him down and then I will come speak with him."

"Yes, Sir!" Riza stepped smartly out of the room. Roy groaned and put his head in his hands. Was having FullMetal under him really worth all the trouble the kid caused? His patoon leader would be here any minute to look for him. And punish him in some way too.

"Ed! If you don't stop taking swings at me, I'll- umf, resort to drastic- EDWARD!"

"I'm not (hic!) taking swings," Ed sobbed, jumping and trying to grab Jean's shoulder with the hand the man wasn't holding.

"Hang ON." Jean let go of Ed's wrist, put his hands on Ed's waist and hefted him over his shoulder. Ed started to kick and Jean irritably swatted him, effectively stopping the kicks. Instead, Ed tried to get away, squirming with all his energy but keeping his legs still.

Jean set him on the couch with all the gentility of a bull in a china shop and wrapped his jacket around Ed. Having the boy somewhat contained within the jacket, Jean left him on the couch to raid the emergency supplies cupboard.

Returning with water and sugar cookies, Jean sat on the couch and pulled Ed onto his lap. Edward allowed Jean Havoc to feed him one sugar cookie before deciding that Jean's arrangement was not dignified and struggling to sit upright in his lap. After drinking some water, the alchemist was quite a bit calmer and Jean smoothed the hair off his face.

"So. Tell me what happened."

Ed's face darkened with rage," Everyone's taller than me! It's not my fault I can't keep up and the Sergenat is always screaming at me and everyone else hates me because when I screw up, they all get in trouble, too! And when they made us practice going through a jungle, the pack they gave me weighed as much as I do!"

Jean opened his mouth and Ed yelped a furious, indignant, "I'm not exaggerating!" in Jean's face.

"It hurt and I have raw spots on my shoulders from the straps because they were too long so mine didn't even fit right!"

"Oh, baby," Jean commiserated with Ed who yelled, "I am not a baby!"

"No, you're not. That's just what I used to say to my little sister when she was upset. She's eighteen and it still works on her."

Ed didn't answer, but he let Jean hug him for a moment until he realized Hawkeye was standing in front of the couch staring at them.

Ed squeaked and glared at her and Jean looked back to see why.

"See? I got him calmed down a little."

"May I report that information to the Colonel, Edward?" she asked softly.

"...You're not going to make fun of me, are you?" Ed glanced up at her. Even he realized he was acting quite childish but he was hoping no one here would give him a hard time about it. Except maybe the bastard colonel, but-

"No, Ed." She kissed him on the forehead, which caused Ed to blush and squirm and look at Jean and then pointedly _not_ look at Jean and then look at Riza as he entered Mustang's office.

"Awww, was that your first kiss?"

THWACK!

----------------------------------

"Why didn't you just transmute the straps on your pack, if I may ask?" Roy wanted to know as Ed sat sulking in Jean's lap as the lieutenant smeared zinc oxide on the raw spots on his back and shoulders, using one hand to keep Ed's shirt out of the way.

"I did," Ed told him firmly. "Sergeant Bootface hit me and made me undo-" Ed stopped when he realized Roy was trying not to laugh.

"What?" he demanded.

"Who is, ahe, Sgt. 'BootFace' ?" Roy could hardly control himself. It wasn't so much that the name was all that funny so much as the way Ed said it. As if it were the man's real name.

"Uh, his name is Abble I think."

Roy cracked up. "I can't tell which is worse, his name or your nickname for him."

Ed grinned, some of his tension fading as Roy let of his own for a moment.

After that moment had passed though, Roy let his laughter die so he could ask, "Where did he hit you?"

Ed titled his head up and tapped a slightly bruised section of his lower jaw.

------------------------------

**Just to clear up any confusion, I thought I'd just put in these author notes that the reason the Sgt won't allow him to use alchemy is because that would kind of make it unfair or too easy for him. No matter how small he is, he's supposed to learn to cope without alchemy.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Look! Another chapter! Ha, and InexplicablyKyprioth was worried! (I'm just teasing you)**

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_Ed titled his head up and tapped a slightly bruised section of his lower jaw._

"Hmm. It doesn't look like he hit you too hard," Roy mused, holding Ed's chin in his hand which caused Ed to squeak, but stay still. He wasn't used to people touching him but at the moment it was comforting, even if it felt like he was being handled for inspection.

"You realize you are going to be in major trouble for running away, don't you?"

Ed made a soft, muttery noise and started pleading Roy with his eyes.

_'Must turn on puppy charm.'_

"Oh, Ed. Don't try to be cute. I can't do anything."

_"Must resist puppy eyes, dammit."_

"There you go," Jean let Ed's shirt fall and the blond scooted off his lap and then turned his puppy eyes on the second lieutenant.

"Hey!" Roy snapped, knowing exactly what Ed was trying to do. "Don't corrupt my lieutenant!"

Jean's cigarette was hanging from his lower lip, stuck on by spit otherwise it would have fallen. His first thought was that if Ed ever did this to Fuery, the Master Sergeant would melt into a puddle. He, however, was immune to the look, his sister having used it on him so many times for no good. He'd just been surprised at Ed's talent for it.

"Where did you learn that?" he asked. Ed glared at him for being immune.

"I taught myself. Al can do a lot of amazing things with his eyes, but even he can't come near me when it comes to puppy eyes."

"Sir-" Fuery poked his head in the door, "There's a Sergeant out here. He wants Ed."

Roy and Jean looked at Ed and he looked back and forth at both of them.

Roy sighed, "FullMetal,"

Ed could hear it in his voice. Mustang was making him go back.

"You have to go. Run along, now. Only two more weeks."

Ed wouldn't look at him as he trudged out of the office. Mustang winced at the sound of sharp yelling followed by, "Sir, yes, Sir!" outside. He groaned.

------------------------------

_"He came into the office crying today, but after just a few minutes I felt reassured. He was upset, more so than I'd ever seen him before, but he was still Ed. He is by no means broken._

_I wonder why it never occurred to me to just run and cry on someone's shoulder. Granted it's against the rules to run away and I don't even want to think about how Ed will be punished, but I went to boot camp with Falman and Breda and Ross. It seems to me now that any one of them would have listened to and comforted me. Then again, I didn't really know any of them at the time. Still, if I had been able to get rid of all that anxiety the way Ed did today, I wonder if I would have come out of it without feeling so beaten."_

_What the hell? I took off today and tried to get the colonel to help me, but all he did was ask stupid questions. Still, I got cookies from second lieutenant Havoc. But since I ran off, I'm supposed to be penalized, only it was really weird 'cause this other Sergeant, um, Giolio, came into the barracks after training and told me _he_ was in charge of my penalty and that I should be standing outside the barrack door ready to go at three AM! I'm only gonna get like four hours of sleep._

_I kind of feel better after seeing Mustang and Hawkeye and everyone, but now I _really_ want to get out of here. All the other guys in here keep giving me this dumb glares like I'm just totally not worthy of their squad. What I wouldn't give to be able to fight one of them. They'd never mess with me again._

_------------------------------_

_"Colonel Mustang recruited me today to take Edward's place in the rehearsal at the park. There'll be a few more but he needed a placeholder to remind everyone where Ed would be. I wonder how Ed's doing. I wonder how he'll react when he finds out how the parade is supposed to end. I guess he might like it, though. He's not really shy..."_

_----------------------_

_Ugggh, I'm so sore. That weird MustacheBooby Sergeant made me do all these weird, showy drills by myself until six! There was all this fancy footwork and fake-rifle-twirling I was supposed to do and whenever I tripped, HE SPAT AT ME! I want to go take a shower but Sergeant Abble said I have to wait to use the shower until everyone else is done. Like they even need showers, the bastards! All we did today was learn all the military symbols for a battle field map so we could see how tacticians demonstrate the movement of troops during war. They don't have spit in their hair! Plus I have to get up at three and do it again! Damn, I wonder if there's some kind of dorky military cap I could wear. Maybe I'll sneak over to Roy's- oh wait, he wouldn't be in his office. Well maybe I could steal his. The one he wears to funerals is military, so maybe Sergeant MustacheBooby wouldn't care. I don't know where I'd hide it, though._

_---------------------------------------_

_"The colonel was called for at the barracks at six this morning. Naturally I chauffeured him. I thought I was going to vomit during the entire drive I was so worried about Ed. _

_Actually, the reason for the summons turned out to be quite amusing. Ed's penalty for running away had apparently been discussed at great length and one of our more prominent State Alchemists offered to teach him drills that would incorporate alchemy._

_Somehow, in the middle of the night, Edward had gotten a hold of Colonel Mustang's cap which has his name embroidered on the inside for...identification reasons. So the colonel was called for to retrieve his hat and also so that Sergeant Giolio (who Ed would like to refer to as Sgt. "Mustache-Booby") could ask the colonel to commission a marching uniform for Ed. FullMetal already has a n officer's uniform (minus the cap) but he's not allowed to wear it during boot camp because he would stand out too much. However, after seeing him come in with the colonel's cap, Giolio decided he would like to have Ed practice in a semi-formal marching uniform. The colonel agreed to commission it and it should be here in about three days._

_Edward was adorable while I took his measurements. He kept fidgeting and blushing like a normal little kid. It was refreshing in a strange way, to see him not yelling or picking a fight or being rude, but not distraught or crying either."_

_-------_

"No!" _Phkplut!_

A nice gooey glob of spit landed on Ed's shoe and the blond shook with rage.

_"What?"_ he snapped. Giolio looked surprised that he would dare ask in such a tone, but didn't say anything about it.

"When I say on your heel, I don't want you to wobble around in a circle! Spin! On your heel! Do it again."

Ed grit his teeth and took up his beginning position. '_Head up, arms straight, feet together...'_

He clicked his right heel neatly against the tile floor and thumped the butt of his fake rifle against the floor as well. Putting the rifle out in front of his body, he spun it with his hands, eyes narrowing in concentration, remembering what it felt like when his hand slipped and he got bonked by one end or the other.

He snapped the rifle back to his side and marched forward where he pitched back onto one heel and tried to propel himself around to face the other direction.

_Phkplut!_

"OK, just hold still. Make me do this the hard way..." Giolio grumbled under his breath. Ed frowned at his words and wiped hte spit off his shirt. '_Disgusting.'_

Giolio pulled his gloves off and touched them to the wall. Ed jerked when ropes of metal came out of the ceiling and wound around his ankles, body and arms.

"Stop struggling," the Sergeant commanded. The ropes pulled taut and Ed felt his body moving in slow motion. The vines on his ankles pulled his weight onto one foot and then pulled that foot back onto its heel. Ed's arms were pressed in tight against his body as the ropes arranged for his other foot to push off from the toe and Ed felt himself slowly rotating. The ropes set his feet together properly and then loosened their hold a bit, leaving Ed perfectly positioned.

"See? I'll do it one more time."

The ropes tightened around Ed, repeating the sequence and then disappeared into the ceiling. Ed blinked, looking up until Giolio barked, "Now do it like that."

Ed flushed slightly and did as he was told.

_---------------_

**I know that if you're a State Alchemist, you're supposed to have rank equivalent to Major but...well, it's not like this story is really accurate anyway, so let's all just pretend Giolio's a Sergeant, now, shall we? XD**

**Please check out my blog to see both Ed's Boot Camp uniform and his new marching uniform! (There's a link to it on my profile)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven! Yeeah, this story is actually moving along! Thanks to everyone who reviewed me, and I hope no one will mind if I put a review reply up here for the anonymous "TooLazyToSignIn :)"**

**You said: **I was reading this and thinking, "Wow, portions of this remind me of 'Dealing With Roy Mustang.'" Then I looked at the author and realized it's the same person! Yay!! I like this a lot though I do hope Ed doesn't change, he's cool the way he is! Only thing I could think of that might help a bit is the journal entries are a bit confusing in terms of who is writing which one. I figured out (I think) that more than one person is writing entries but it's hard to tell immediately when they switch and which is which. Just putting something like:

Roy -  
blah, blah, blah,

Ed-  
blah, blah, blah,

would really help though there are other things you could do as well if you wanted. Anyway, aside from that you're really talented and I enjoy reading your work! Keep it up:) :)

**Ha. That's funny that it should remind you of my other story...I wonder what bits I wrote the same?  
I'm sorry if it's hard for you to read, but I wanted the diaries to be just a tiny bit mysterious, unclear. So I did it on purpose.  
But I will say this: Roy Mustang does not keep a diary. XD Thanks for the review!**

* * *

"One more time, remember the color," Giolio instructed from his perch in a tree. They'd moved outdoors when he'd decided Edward was ready to incorporate alchemy into his drills.

The hardest part for both of the alchemists was figuring out the alchemy- Giolio was only interes ted in transmuting metals so it was pretty much all he knew how to do, while Ed could do anything the man asked but "MustacheBooby" didn't know what he was asking. For some reason, Giolio was also having trouble reaching Colonel Mustang so he coudln't even ask the man what exactly Ed was supposed to do during the parade.

So for now he had Ed transmuting flowers and confetti and bright bursts of color. Occasionally when Ed got ticked off, he'd also toss some fruit into the mix, hoping it would pelt his harrasser.

Ed was now using a staff of his own design instead of the rifle and he spun it like a regular baton twirler, sending alchemic sparks and petals up through it and letting the centrifugal force it was creating send them flying in all directions.

"Now hurry up and change. You've got three minutes to be back with your squad."

Ed transmuted a cubicle to change in, transmuting hte wrinkles out of his shirt. He lowered the walls and ran like hell, almost bowling over Sgt. BootFace as he scurried into place. The man grabbed the back of his shirt and Ed swore under his breath.

"Give me twenty pushups, NOW!"

Ed mentally rolled his eyes. Was it so easy for people to tell what he hated doing? Mustang would always ask him to get files from hte top shelves whenever he asked for assistance and the Sgt's always chose is least favorite e xercise. It just felt so humiliating to have to turn his back on everyone so he couldn't see them and then have to get down on the ground below them. Why did no one ever ask him to do sit-ups? At least then he could watch his back and protect himself from oncoming attacks.

Red-faced, he joined his squad members.

As they marched out to the obstacle course, Dorian and Mitchell started crowding and elbowing him and Ed saw red. He'd had just about enough of these assholes giving him dirty looks and being so damn tall and pushing him around whenever they got the chance.

The Sergeant spoke up to explain what they would be doing today, saving two squad members from certain death by distracting a third. As he explained that they would be crawling on their elbows through mud under a barbed wire grid though, Ed couldn't help but smile. Today was going to be a very good day.

Edward stepped up eagerly to his starting position, radiating a confidence that disturbed Mitchell and a few others. The FullMetal Alchemist had crawled through enough escape tunnels, vents, air ducts and other various small places that there was no doubt in his mind he could get through this faster than anyone else here. Best yet, the fastest soldier throughout the day got the first shower, which Ed had been denied for more than a week now.

Sgt. BootFace blew a whistle and Ed flopped onto his stomach. Of course Dorian tried to play dirty by getting too close and trying to block Ed, but he didn't realize that the small blond had vertical wiggle room like no one else there and could therefore afford the elevation it cost him to climb over the other soldier.

Ed couldn't help but push aside his non-violent inner Al and delight in the act of digging his elbows into the other soldier's shoulder, scooting over him.

Oh, yes. A very good day.

-------------------------

_DAMN CORRUPT MILITARY BASTARDS! I was the fastest on every run but I still had to shower last, dammit! And Dorian soaked my pillow in the showers while I wasn't looking. They're just _lucky_ I'm trying not to be difficult. If it wasn't for Hawkeye, I would have those guys hanging from the flagpole by their underwear in under ten seconds, mark my words!_

_--------------------_

_"One more week, one more week, one more week. What I wouldn't give to be able to say that to Ed instead of myself. I don't know quite why I feel so edgy, as if time is going too slowly. I wish this week would speed up so I could know Ed wouldn't have time to snap again or break._

_I had a dream last night. An old memory from training came back to me. I think it was the first time the Sergeant slapped me for talking back. I couldn't keep my mouth shut back then- the fact that because I was a woman and I had trouble running long distances, he always put me in the back or ignored me often provoked me to the point of arguing with him. Which is a no-no I dearly hope Edward doesn't learn the way I did. _

_I was given extra chores and labor and denied basic priveleges, taunted and put down by the squad leader and ostracized by the entire squad. I don't blame Falman or Breda or Ross. Maria was a woman too and she did her absolute best to ensure she wasn't punished as I was. Falman didn't know me at all and preferred to keep out of the way, while Breda disapproved of my apparent lack of self-control. Later, it was he more than Mustang who taught me how to keep my mouth shut and my face straight._

_I know Ed won't come out of this unmarked, but I don't think it's too much to ask that he come out of this without feeling different than he used to."_

_----------------_

_I got sick from sleeping on a wet pillow-, _Ed fell asleep.

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**Blech, wet pillows nasty. R&R please!**


	8. Chapter 8! END

**Could it be? Another chapter? You mean this story HASN'T been abandoned? XD Sorry for the wait.**

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"Today is our last day of training," Abble announced, walking back and forth in front of his trainees and eyeing the smallest with contempt. "Tomorrow, you will be full fledged _soldiers_. You will pack up your belongings and take these lessons you've been taught with you and you will go out there and _serve your country!"_ he said loudly. "But before you can call yourselves soldiers, you have to prove yourself one more time,"

_'I already have. Shut up and let's go.'_

"Now come with me and remember that a good soldier always obeys his superiors."

_'I think Mustang's told me that one before.'_

---

Ed felt _excited_ for the first time in three weeks as they were led through a tunnel into a dark cave. He didn't need to prove himself, but to some extent he wanted to and this place looked dangerous. Would they get to fight?

"Put on your masks," BootFace instructed. Ed reached to the side of his heavy pack and unclipped the gas mask from it, pulling it over his head.

_'Maybe I should wear this in to Mustang's office. I bet everyone would be scared of me.'_

"Now follow me."

When they came to a pitch black chamber, the Sgt. turned on his flashlight and faced the nine men behind him.

"Take off your masks."

There was a murmur of confusion, but Ed immediately put it together. This chamber must be safe, unlike the others they'd just walked through. There'd been several of them.

Eager to get to what the thought would be the "good" part of today's trip, he pulled off his mask-

"#!$" Seven men were suddenly clawing at their faces, two more following suit moments later.

Ed's eyes were burning, his nose was running like a faucet, his throat burned as if he'd just thrown up and he couldn't stop drooling. He looked rabid, but with less foam and more...other things.

"Now put the masks back on." The Sgt. had never removed his, the clever bastard. Then again, he must have known.

Ed's was the first back on. Unfortunately, his eyes, nose and mouth were still streaming like garden hoses. The mask wasn't helping.

"Follow me." Abble seemed oblivious to the moans, gags, snorts, hacks and other disgusting noises they were making as he led them back, all the way out into the sunlight where they were allowed to take th masks off again and retrieve handkerchiefs and water from their packs.

"So," BootFace announced, "Beware of tear gas."

Ed could have killed him right then. _Easily._

-------------------

"Sir..."

"Something else, Lieutenant?" Roy looked up from his paperwork.

"Is Edward..."

"He'll be here in three hours."

"Ah. Thank you," she smiled and went back into the adjoining office.

* * *

**SLAM!!!**

Roy jumped. He must've fallen asleep, Riza must have shot-

"Wake up, Colonel Shit."

Roy blinked. Was he dreaming?

"Hellooo. Anybody home?" Ed peered at him.

"You..."

"Are speaking to you," Ed finished his sentence.

"You're exactly the same." The colonel sounded a little bewildered.

"Huh?"

"Does Hawkeye know you're here?"

Ed shook his head. "I don't know where she is."

"Anhgh..."

"I _am_ supposed to be reporting to you, right? 'Cause I can go."

"No! Yes!"

"Right."

"Arrgh, No. Don't leave. You're supposed to be reporting."

"Here," Ed handed him a certificate. "You're supposed to keep that."

Roy studied Ed's certificate of completion. "Right..." He put it into his filing cabinet in Ed's folder.

"So...anything else?"

"Rehearsal for the display is tomorrow at three. Wear your uniform."

"Aw, man. I was starting to get used to normal clothes again."

"Only you would think those are normal," Mustang retorted.

"Sir, is Ed-"

"Come in, Lieutenant." He smiled at Ed, "Someone wants to see you."

Riza stepped in, gingerly coming closer. "How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

"Um, OK, I guess." Ed was taken aback, uncertain of what she was asking.

"Ah, good."

"Lieutenant, would you mind escorting Edward to his new dorm?"

"What?" Ed looked at Roy, who answered, "There was some reconstruction in the dorms. Your brother took advantage of all the dorm-juggling going on and got one nearer to my subordinates'."

Ed raised an eyebrow, but didn't object. Turning to Riza, he said,

"Take me to a real bed, _please._ I don't care where it is."

She tried to suppress a smile. "Yes, Sir."

----------------

"Edward..." Hawkeye began as they turned a corner.

Maybe Al had thought he ewas getting his brother a dorm in a choice location but _really_! It was on the third floor and toward the back of the building. Their old one had afforded much faster access to the outdoors.

"If you ever decide to do something stupid like that again, tell me first."

Ed looked up and sulked, "Going to boot camp wasn't my idea!"

"Joining the military was."

Ed subsided for a few minutes. As they turned onto a short hallway that ended at an Emergency Exit door, he blushed a little as he asked Riza, "Hey, why did you kiss me in front of Jean? He made fun of me," he whined self-consciously.

"Oh, I don't know," she said calmly. "This is your room. Mine is the one across and one to the right and Breda and Fuery share the one across."

Ed gave her a _look_ for not answering the question as he unlocked the door.

"Thanks for showing me the way," he grumbled.

"Say hello to your brother for me," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek. He flushed hot red and rubbed at his face. "Yuck."

Riza smiled. "Come to me if you need anything. I'll be right over there."

-------

Ed's first rehearsal went terribly. He was so embarrassed that he'd been assigned what was basically the lead role in the parade that he began to criticize everyone else's' marching to distract them. Roy had to admit though, all of a sudden Ed knew exactly what he was talking about and the display definitely benefited from it. Still, most of the older alchemists didn't particularly care for the fifteen year old's criticism and a few fist fights broke out- all of which Ed won.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entire military plus the Rockbells and Alphonse got a front row seat at the parade. The public had to settle for a further back viewpoint.

'_The first part is easy,'_ Ed reminded himself as they began. The very beginning was all footwork. The alchemists spread into tendrils and then spiraled back into each other, brushing past in circles going opposite directions creating a blue optical illusion of writhing, coiling blue vines or tentacles or something. Ed preferred the latter term. He thought it was kind of cool.

Then each tendril performed a burst of transmutations, each involving fifteen soldiers simultaneously combining their skills. This part was also easy because all Ed had to contribute to this part was a bit of firepower, Roy being in a different tentacle.

After each tentacle had "gone off" like a firework, the poor embarrassed FullMetal Alchemist was put on the spot. The rest of the alchemists got behind him, forming an elaborate bird with Ed at the tip of the beak. They marched forward until they were right behind the Fuhrer's float and he nodded at Ed who clapped his hands and transmuted several things at once- A burst of lightning in the clear sky; a shower of roses; a lot of sparkly electricity fireworks and then the last thing- At the very head of the parade grounds, a huge statue of the President's crest began to rise from the ground with sparks and fireworks going off around it for dramatic effect. It would have been completely flawless had Ed not "slipped" for a moment and accidentally zapped a couple of newbies by the names of Dorian and Mitchell.

--------

Riza waved Ed over after the parade had finished when she saw him looking for a place to hide from all the yells, compliments and jeers of the crowd milling around the parade grounds. He scurried over to her and she pulled him behind Jean and Breda and he grabbed the back of her jacket for support.

She smiled and pet his hair soothingly. She knew even he wasn't used to this much attention.

"You did a good job," she said. Ed blushed, not noticing the discreet wink Riza sent to the approaching colonel, who relayed it to Jean Havoc. Breda looked away, clearly refusing to be a part of their little scheme.

Roy came up to Ed and the blond opened his mouth, probably to insult Mustang, but before he could manage, the three winking soldiers leaned down and gave him three kisses- Riza on the nose, Jean on the left temple and Roy on the right.

Ed gaped, his mouth moving like a fish's for a moment before he blushed hot red and began pleading Roy with puppy eyes, asking if he could go home and clinging to Riza's jacket.

"You can go," Roy smiled warmly.

"You're such a sucker for those puppy eyes," Jean laughed at the colonel.

"Alright then, I'll take you home, OK?" Riza offered. Ed nodded.

When they were settled in the car, Riza turned the key and Ed suddenly leaned sideways, giving her a childish little kiss on the cheek.

** THE END**

** OWARI**

** 7/31/07 2:22 AM!**

**-----------------**

**Eeee! I finished a story!! My very first completion of a FF story, WOOT!! Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers and everyone else who read this story and special thanks to my sister Sesshomaru'sSapphireMaiden because without her, I would've been hung up on that last paragraph for about another six months!!**

**DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!**


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